James 1:27 (NIV)
Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.
I'm feeling this call stronger than one can imagine. I want to adopt. Not just care for others. Yes, I know I should do that, and I'm learning and doing. Everyday. But I believe God has placed it in my heart to adopt and I'm just waiting to see how it all plays out. With great anticipation I might add.
I started on "Fields of the Fatherless" Saturday. I'm almost finished with it today. I'm just so excited and eager to read and learn of God's chosen people and how He wants us to love and care for "the least of these". As I'm reading this book today, so many things stuck out in my mind, jumped off the page, literally. I've dog-eared so many pages in this book. I keep wondering and asking God daily how He's leading me in my love for adoption and today as I'm reading I felt like He actually spoke to me. Something that wasn't even in my mind, wasn't in my thoughts jumped in my heart and I knew it was something I needed to do. God was telling me that I needed to sincerely empty my heart before Him. I can't seek the desires of my heart until I let go of some of my baggage.
I stopped what I was doing right then and there. I bowed my head and ask God to sincerely forgive me. Outloud. Not just passing thoughts in my head like I've prayed so many times before. I know He hears me, but showing the true spirit of seeking and asking came to me today. I cried, I begged. For forgiveness for the pain I've put my family through in the last few years. Thanking Him once again for my amazing and wonderful husband. He's one of my greatest gifts from God and no one can possibly begin to love me as much as Eric does. I had learned how to forgive him, but I hadn't truly learned to ask for forgiveness for myself.
I also ask for forgiveness and help in healing old wounds. Feelings of betrayal and bitterness from someone who I thought was one of my strongest bonds in this life. Someone I would have given soooo much for. After years of anger, disappointment and bitterness that I didn't know how to let go of I finally did today. It was so easy. I learned I was trying to control it and I had to let God have it. Did I mention easy? It was taken in an instant and I can't explain the feeling of release I had. Like someone had just breathed life into my chest. It was awesome I tell ya! :)
My afternoon was incredible. I've been walking on a cloud ever since. After a session with a beautiful girl (her spirit and smile were so contagious!), I came home to get my mail and this is what I found in my little silver box.
I thought it was a new book (remember my amazon addiction?), or one of my new FREE reads for being a book reviewer. And then I saw the return address. I got so excited! I ripped it open and this is what came out.
Reading the card and slowly unfolding it to see the front of the shirt I began to cry. Here was a piece of someone's heart. A shirt I purchased as a fundraiser for someone's adoption fund. I'm wanting to adopt so badly and actually having something material to make me realize that there are real people, adopting real orphans in the world. And somehow I was a small part of it. Today I became a small part of the Dubois Family's adoption for their son from Ethiopia. I'm in love with my new shirt. GO. SEEK. LOVE. If you feel like getting a new cool shirt, or feel a tug at your heart to support an adoption of a family, go.... look at their site, seek.... find your size and favorite style of shirt, love.... it's a small donation that goes a long way. I know they would appreciate it. I just wonder how many more are in store for my future because I have a feeling I'm gonna wear this one out!
So, I'd like to say I hope your day was as wonderful as mine. But I know in my heart it can't compare. :) I still hope you had an awesome day. I pray that you are led in some way to help others in need. Everyone isn't called to adopt. We're all commanded to love and help 'the least of these'. Happy Tuesday to you!