Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Where Do I Fit In?

Do you ever have days that you wonder just where it is you fit in?  Where you can feel accepted for who you are and what you believe and why you do the things you do?  I thought all that stuff would pass when I hit adulthood.  After all, there's no more high school drama, there's no more mean kid making fun of you..... or is there?

Some people never find the wisdom to grow into caring and compassionate adults.  Heck, some people never find compassion period.  But you would think that a mature adult could accept others for who they are.  After all, isn't that what we teach our children?  Or hope to teach them?  That God loves us all, just as we are.  We all have faults, we all have special gifts.  Each one unique and made just the way God intended.

But, there comes a time in our lives (hopefully) when we change.  And I'm not talking about maturity or anything like that.  I'm talking about becoming that 'new creation'.  When old things have passed away and new things have come.  We become a Christian, we choose to follow Christ.  We become sold out to Him and want to give our all simply to serve Him.

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.
~ 2 Corinthians 5:17 ~

The Bible tells us that this is when our lives become the most difficult.  That others will reject us, that they will find us foolish.

The person without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God but considers them foolishness, and cannot understand them because they are discerned only through the Spirit.
~ 1 Corinthians 2:14 ~

But some days you never expect it to hit you the way it does....  right between the eyes, and right at your heart.

When your own family looks twice at you and wonders what has happened.  "That's not who you are".  Well, I beg to differ with you.  This is who I have become.  Because I have Him within my heart.  Yes, I choose to care about all people.  Not just the ones who are nice to me or who seem to fit into the mold of who others deem acceptable.

I choose not to cuss or drink, or make lude gestures or party like it's 1999.  Because I have other things to focus my time and attention on.  Serving HIM!  Serving Him in any way that I can.  Whether that is advocating for orphans and widows in my spare time or making a special gift for a friend in need, just because.

When you are surrounded by young people who ask "will you be offended if I tell a 'black' joke?"  Ummm.... yes.  If you have to ask if I might be offended, chances are you shouldn't share it with anyone, period.  Do I feel uncomfortable by their jokes and conversations about 'Jews' and other religions?

The answer, quite frankly..... "No".  I do not feel uncomfortable.  I'm saddened.  My heart breaks that just because I live in a rural area that people are still raising their children to be blind and ignorant to the rest of the world.  To the needs of others.  When I dream of adopting from Africa and then wonder if I brought a child home of another color how they would be treated by peers and their parents.  Just because of the color of their skin.

Heck, just because I choose to adopt (which I'm still working on the hubby for.....) that makes me "different" and somehow 'weird' in others eyes.

When you invite someone to a Thanksgiving meal and they are happy to be spending the holiday with you, that's great.  When they find out that your church is providing the meal and we can eat there and then play games at home together and spend family time together, it suddenly becomes a 'no thank you'.  Because of your church.  Because the Bible is taught at our church we are somehow labeled as 'different' or 'weird' or 'those people'.  Because it's not all about what God can do for you, but what you should be doing for God.  Serving Him, giving our all to Him.  Loving the unloveable, caring for the least of these.  Because we aren't learning about how God is going to bless us with a new car or home because He loves us so.

You can tell I'm on a rant, and I apologize for that.  I try to be positive 99.9% of the time.  ;)  And I seem to be all over the place....I'm just at a loss as to when I lost touch with 'reality' (as others see it).  I came home and of course shared with my husband.  Who offered up one of his amazing hugs, stroked my hair and reminded me that to others "we are foolish".

I just wish for one brief moment in time I could be surrounded by like-minded neighbors and friends.  Or live in a community of sold out believers that I could have fellowship with families that are full of children of all colors and nationalities and it would be the 'norm'.

So if you happen to be fortunate enough to live in the 'Emerald City', tell Toto hello and tell your neighbors just how much they mean to you.  Please.  For me.  Cuz for today..... I've had all the prejudice, ignorance, and finger pointing I can stand.

I continue to pray for those around me, as I pray for understanding and wisdom to be a better example than I have been.

“You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’  But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.
~ Matthew 5:43-45 ~

And I'm still praying for that reluctant husband, to say yes.  ;)  ♥


  1. Hi Renea, I have missed you. I'm glad you are back. You are a gifted writer. This post hit home for me. It's difficult when the people who persecute are famlily members and don't want to come and spend Christmas with us. I have to lay it at the throne....through tears and sadness I picture Jesus taking those feelings from me knowing they are in His hands. My family is in His hands as I pray for each one. Your husband is so sweet....and, I have not stopped praying for you.


  2. Oh, Renea, I am so sorry. I have suffered the same kind of treatment from my own family because my husband and I have chosen to homeschool our children and to give our time and money to serving in Russia and locally with our church. My mother even made some hateful slurs about the length of my hair in reference to homeschooling. I get it. She's a public school teacher and is, therefore, personally offended by our choices, but it's no excuse. It's sad to not have the ones you love love you back because of intolerance. I've tried to explain our reasons to no avail. It defies reason. God asks of us, we try and obey as quickly and as closely as possible. Beyond that, I have decided He is the only one I need to please. Prayers for you. It still makes you feel sad. Even when you know they're all wrong about you...