The 6 yr old had another field trip this week. His class went on a field trip to the fire station as it's national fire safety week. I'm sure he had a ball checking out the fire trucks and all the equipment. He's been there before actually and thought it was pretty cool. Since he's always been my 'assistant' until he started Kindergarten he went with me to take senior pictures of some boys in their gear that were volunteer firemen. He loved it then so I'm sure when they allowed him the 'grand tour' he was thrilled. I wish I wasn't missing out on these 'little' field trips though. But I know bigger ones will come and I'll be there for them. The parents don't really go on these weekly trips so I don't want to seem like an intruder but my heart breaks that I don't see him all day long anymore. I'd go to the nursing home with them and sing if they'd let me and to the dairy farm to watch them milk cows, and I can stop drop and roll with the best of them. :) But... he's growing up and doesn't need mom there for every second of his day.
My daughter shared her thoughts about fire safety week last night by sending me a lovely piece of flair for my facebook.... "Stop Drop and Roll doesn't work in Hell!" She always makes me laugh and smile. Even when she sports her 17-yr-old attitude on occasion she makes me deliriously proud and happy.
My oldest brother-in-law lost his wife this weekend. She had been having heart trouble and needed an unexpected surgery which in the end took her away. We didn't really know she was as sick as that, and (sorry to say) the brothers don't keep in contact as good as they should so we really never knew Alice that well. They were just married in April 2009 and my hubbie's brother hasn't been coping very well. Yesterday we spent 7 hours at his house. Sitting with him and just being there. We're all taking shifts. Talking with him throughout the day and listening at the same time has left me wondering how he managed to get to this point in his life. Let me explain....the boys grew up with a good background and faith. Raised in the church and their family has a strong faith. Yet somehow, among all the trials in his life he has forgotten who's in charge. God. My brother-in-law wants to have control so badly, and told his wife just that even though she corrected him. "God is in control and we have to prepare for what may happen." I know when we're faced with losing the most important person in our lives we'd like to take control and hold on tight. Ward off any enemies or harm that seems to lurk just around the corner. But ultimately we need to understand that God is in control and the best we can do is pray for understanding while His perfect plan is played out in our lives. For some the natural part of the grieving process is to question everything and wonder why and where God is in all of this sadness. That's where Monty is. Angry and sad and asking God why He took his wife away, why He didn't answer his prayers. I'm sad for my bro-in-law, but mostly scared and worried. Praying that he remembers his faith, remembers his God and comes back to Him quickly. So while you're sending up your prayers over the next few days, remember him with me. God knows who he is, and that he's hurting....God knows how to handle him.
"I will never leave you, nor forsake you"
"I will never leave you, nor forsake you"
We listened as the funeral director went through his checklist of questions and watched clothes being prepared and caskets being decided on and were once again reminded of the mounting expense of a funeral. It's been almost 15 years since my mother-in-law died and I remember those decisions were all made by her. Who would officiate, who would sing, what songs she chose, the color of the casket. Right down to the last detail she took care of it herself, her boys were left with just their grieving and no other work to do. It got us talking a lot about our own relationship and things we want for ourselves. So much of our choices are alike, our thoughts are the same. It won't be 'me' in that body just lay me in a soft box (go with the economy model please!) and lay me in the ground. People tend to fixate I think too much on the body, preparing a perfect casket, just the right color, the softest pillow, the vault to keep the weight of the earth from crushing the casket. My money would be better spent helping someone rather than keeping an old wooden box dry that has nothing in it but a pile of bones. I told my husband not to grieve too much if I die before him because we both know I'll be having a party of my own. :) I don't want drab flower arrangements and a quiet funeral home, I want balloons and music and people coming in bright colored clothes. Black is so depressing. ;) Anyway.... you can see how it all got us to thinking. I have comfort and peace in our death. It won't be easy, but it will be HIS plan and not ours. I hope my bro-in-law recognizes this soon.